#if you couldn't tell ive been in a bette davis obsession era lately

[noctomania]

I just realized that Bette Davis is my longest standing fascination. I was perhaps about 8 years old when I first read about her. We were all part of a program, I believe it was called "accelerated readers" intended to increase literacy rates. I guess it is still in practice, but I'm unsure. In any case, I was among the earlier cohorts to be partaking in it. And I was terrible.

I never liked reading, and worse, my sister loved reading, which only made me hate it more. I tried to make it easier on myself when I had to read a book by picking something short. So one time I found this nice thin book that happened to be a small biography on Bette Davis. It also happened to be a grade above mine, whereas my reading skills were closer to the grade below. I failed the computer quiz terribly, but Bette has stuck with me ever since.

I remember the book talked about how she had been rejected in Hollywood due to her supposed lack of beauty. More specifically, I recall it talking about someone saying she looked like her face had been melted by acid. Well, as a child who was also enamored by and sympathized with the character of Grizabella in the musical Cats because of how she was rejected by the other cats as a hasbeen beauty, I immediately was on Bette's side. Even at that age, I understood that such a subjective matter shouldn't be the metric for what makes an artist profound or worthy of a role, or the basis on which you determine your respect for someone. I may not have fully understood the complexities of misogyny at the time, but being raised by a single mother of two children, I'm sure I had some foundational understanding of how to respect women properly.

Bette is responsible for drawing my interest into old hollywood films and stars. I started watching TCM at my dad's house when I was in my preteens, seeking out old black and white movies. This introduced me to Ginger Rogers and Katherine Hepburn. I learned about Mary Pickford this way as well in the wee hours of the morning when they would put on less popular silent films. Entirely fascinated me, and I could never understand people who felt they were boring to watch. While Bette was in the world of talkies, her style was from theater, which was what informed silent film actors to begin with. With a lack of thorough dialogue, they had to impress upon the audience through physicality alone. Some of the most well renowned silent actors were absolute professionals at physical comedy - like Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton.

I credit Bette Davis entirely for being a guide to helping me understand and respect the artists in front of the camera. She didn't act dramatically for the sake of being dramatic. She understood the undulations of a moment, taking the scene and ramping it because what else are you doing if not entertaining as an actor?

Though the rejection of Bette drew me to her, it was her no-nonsense attitude and her assertiveness that kept me around. To be so bold as to push back against the system she was trying to break into. Not without sense, though, always moderating herself but never leaving her spine behind. She made herself a queen by doing what those who were too timid to do refused. Even if she lost battles here or there, she won the war in my eyes. She wasn't one to back down because she picked her fights deliberately. She didn't assimilate. She overcame.

There will never be another of her caliber. No, not Streep nor Surrandon. Everything about her is individually iconic on its own, from her style to her acting, her voice, mannerisms. All of it. I could never imagine my life without Bette Davis in the background. I thank her for being the woman she was so I could be the woman I was and the man I am now. What is even funnier is that I'm not sure I even saw any of her movies until I was well into my teen years! I didn't even need to. Her legacy is that powerful.

God, i love Bette Davis. Thank you for existing. I wish you had been given the respect you deserved.